Of Frankenstein and Prince Impersonators

Had another test on Wednesday. This one was an upper GI with a small bowel follow through. The best description I had gotten going in was that like the CT scan in that I had to drink Barium and they would take x-rays. The part that no one told me about was just how fun/absurd the whole thing really is. This part of the fun has me standing up in front of a moveable xray machine. It starts off with drinking some 'Fizzies' which are designed to expand the esophagus and stomache. My job- not to burp. I asked if they had any advice about this, as generally, I am not one to stiffle a good burp. The key, in case this someday saves your life, is to keep dry swallowing. The problem of course is that all your body knows is that something wants to come up. My body wasnt so convinced it was just air. I was sure I was going to puke. While I am freaking about this, they give me some 'thick as glue' barium to drink while the 2 doctors and 2 techs in the room move the xray machine all over the place taking xrays. Then, still not burping, they change the incline of the table slowly so that the table I was leaning on is now one I am laying flat on. Like Frankenstien. Then I drink more barium while laying on my stomache. At this point, I am glad I no longer am convinced I am going to puke. But the silliness is about to begin. From here, I am instructed to - in a hospital gown - roll around on the table. 2 times around to the right, 2 times around to the left. Twice. I was manually coating my stomache. And of course, it was Illinois Masonic so my doctor was the cutest thing. So naturally my ass fell out of my gown.

After that was done, I was sure I was clear and free. Nope, more barium and then a total of 2 hours walking in circles around the hospital, hoping the barium will move to the small intestine. We would take a break every 15 minutes or half hour to check the progress. When I was finally done, it was more of the live xray business. And this time I could see the monitor. All my innerds, right there. The part that I found most fascinating was that the small colon isnt nearly as organized as I wouldve thought. Lots of little bunches here and there. I thought it would be much more compact. One of the bunches he couldnt get to because it was under my ribs. Although he poked and poked and gave it the ol med school try.

All in all, it couldve been worse. I have recently found out that a distant cousin of mine had the same symptoms. She ended up having gall stones. So that is now number 2 on my 'preferred diagnosis' list. The first being something to do with my appendix. But the more I think about it, the more I am pretty sure that our trip around the world just isnt happening. We cant go unless they diagnose it and cure it in the next 2 weeks. Seems unlikely. And I am totally at peace with that. Eagle and I have been thinking about all the really great things we can do if we dont go. And there is lots of good to be had. It will totally all work out.

And it is off to Vegas this weekend. Oh lordy, I cant wait. So much good stuff going down. Lots of friends, lots of gambling, a massage by my favorite masseusse Jay, possible Prince impersonator, naked people at Cirque. Its going to be all good. I cant wait to come back and gush about it.

And speaking of Prince, his documentary for Sign 'o' the Times was on Encore the other morning and we got it taped. Wow. Its a must-see train wreck. A little teaser for you: Prince sings The Cross in a jean jacket with a pink guitar. As Iron Chef Chicago noted, 'Is this a Wham concert?' Fantastic.