Day 4 - oh my!

This morning I came to my morning scan ready with some proscuitto and some steak and rice - ready to be eaten all day long. I layed in the tube like a good girl for a whole hour. My mind wandered. My back spasmed. My hair was blown into my face. All the while, waiting for the sweet release of food. And then she says, do you want the good or bad news first? I say, the good I guess. She says, well tomorrow is the last day you need to come in. I start crying. No one even told me this was a possibility. I say, so that means no food today either? She says yes. I am so sad I dont ask why that was good news or what the bad news was.

She also lets me know that so far they arent seeing anything on the scans which is why they want me to come back in. I am so young that I guess they dont want to take any chances. I can appreciate that. An acquiantance friend of mine was just diagnosed with lung cancer, at 30. I can think of numerous times that I am glad someone didnt just say, well, they are too young to have that disease.

Day four without food has been interesting. On day 3 I was woozy at points. Today, I had trouble forming sentences and thinking through any kind of logic. I no longer feel hunger per se, but the human instinct to eat is wild to experience. Last night I liked the fork I had made the white rice with in hopes of feeling like I had eaten something. After cooking the steak for today, I peeled the sauce off the George Foreman and sucked on the bits that had burned into a solid. I spit out anything that didnt dissolve. This desperation is wild. My body temperature changes constantly. I am mad as a sack of cats. Now and then. I want to kick your ass and steal your sandwich.

And on the upside, I lost 15 pounds in 3 weeks. Pretty sweet.