One Trick Pony

This whole blog business has really brought forth one of the fundamental things I deal with all the time. Failure. Failure to the point of paralyzation. Its everywhere in my life, in all my relationships, in everything I do. Not like a reality, but like a presence. Hanging around, hoping I will notice and acknowledge.

So, I have many a great blogger friend whose blogs I read on a daily basis, hoping there has been an update. I find them fascinating, engaging, and interesting, even when the blog is about Calculus. And man, I find myself wishing no one knew I started this. Cuz I dont know what I am doing and I am avoiding writing anything. And I know, no one knows what they are doing but that isnt what I am talking about. Man alive, I dont do anything that I dont already know I am good at. (Thankfully, I am good at a lot of things so I dont live the life of a hermit.) And I know this isnt something uniquely me, but in my group of friends it kinda is. Seems like everyone is out there, giving their heart to some kind of uncertainty. Putting their heart on canvas, in lyrics, in a cat tower. Of course, I put all my heart in the eagle. But given the ring on my hand, that isnt too terribly much of a risk. And sure, I have my things - walks and triathalons and such, but nothing that opens me up to too much judgement. This whole blog thing, a whole 'nother story.

And whats really great is the more I talk about it, the more stupid the whole concern seems. But I think on some level, that is the fear talking again.